What to do…

I’m writing this out today (yesterday) to post tomorrow (today) and that makes sense to me, hopefully it does to read! I tend to think a little about what I’m going to write about the night before, then a little more the following day before actually getting it down. I’m doing it now (last night) because I need it to be fresh in my head. So it all refers to last night!
Tonight has been pretty shit. The kids came home from their mothers but between leaving her and coming back they have nursery. Now it was never usually a problem, a little unsettled maybe but manageable. Not tonight, or last weekend, or the one before that. They’re with me 5 days out of 7, then with her the other 2. The last few weeks though have been hard going because my daughter, who is 4 if you don’t already know, has been saying she doesn’t want to live with me, she wants to live with mummy. She had never said that until 2 or 3 weeks ago. I think my ex has been saying things to her because she just wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t cuddle me and when she did look at me it was like I was a stranger. Eventually I had her laughing again and all normal but still. Well this week she’s spent a lot of the evening crying for her mum. She says mummy wants to see them more days. She asked me if Sunday and Monday were the days mummy asked to have, to which I said yes because they were, and she said no mummy said she didn’t ask for them.
First off I don’t know she actually said that, kids get confused. If she did though how am I meant to say to a 4 year old “well mummy is lying”. I tried just saying no they’re the days she wanted but it didn’t get through. I’ve told me ex she can have an extra day as long as she does the night too, and that it should really be the Saturday or Tuesday so it’s a nice unbroken chain of days they’re together. She isn’t playing ball though and nothing has been agreed. My girl starts school in September and her mum has been really unreliable with getting them to nursery on time, I really don’t want her getting her into school late! So all night she’s cried for mummy, and it breaks my heart. They don’t cry for me there, I don’t know if their mum is influencing this in any way though it wouldn’t surprise me if she was. I know the kids probably don’t know what they think deep down but it’s getting to me these last couple of weeks.
On top of this my son has been swearing he’s 3. First of all it was “fucking cushions” which was heard from my ex’s boyfriend. Then 3 times tonight he’s said shit, again heard from him apparently although my girl says it’s mummy that says that. This boyfriend has been around about 3 months. She’s moved him in, she’s left my son alone with him in a park while she viewed a house with my daughter and this weekend it sounds like they went to a party at his family’s house. I don’t know about anybody else but this all feels far too soon, but there’s nothing I can do to stop it. She has been a nightmare this last year and there’s things I could say that people wouldn’t believe, but I won’t do that on here.This is the third boyfriend in the last year and she’s moved all 3 in pretty quickly and let them interact with the kids…
Is this normal stuff in a split with kids involved? I’m sure I’m not the only one with an awkward ex….but this feels relentless and it’s slowly grinding me down. I’m also really worried about the effect it may have on the relationship I have with my kids. We’ve always been fine and have so much fun….but it feels like things are changing. I don’t know what she says to them when they’re with her, but I feel anxious when they are there at the moment which I haven’t felt for quite some time.
Sorry for the length of this one, it’s a tough situation and I genuinely struggle to know what to do at times. I’ve explored all avenues you’d usually consider and all have their problems! I envy those who get on with their ex or just don’t have to deal with them at all.

2 thoughts on “What to do…

  1. Hi

    This is my first time swinging by your blog after finding you on Instagram.

    First off , I just want to say what a great thing it is you are doing blogging. Seriously breaking some stimgmas down in the best way possible.

    I have only read the post above (going to dive into some more after commenting) but I love how honest your post is.

    How you talk about the struggle of not having full control over the situation. How you are trying to still respect your ex when it doesn’t feel like it is being resipicated.

    I can not relate to your situation. I just wanted to encourage you and say to continue doing what you are doing. You sound like you are doing great and your heart is in the right place.

    With regards to your daughter saying she wants to live woth your ex, it could also just be that as she is getting older she is becoming more aware that her family dynamics are different. If she were to live with her Mum, they would be somewhat more ‘normal’.

    I would probably acknowledge how she feels? Explain it’s not possible, maybe find out something she does/has with her Mum and incorporate it at your home too.

    Hope this helps, sorry for lack of advice, hope knowing someone is listening helps some what.

    Cherie || My Mama Musings

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment! It’s hard to know what to say sometimes. I’ve told friends about stuff before and they often don’t know what to suggest, it’s just a tough situation really! You’ve made a good suggestion there though and it’s appreciated, I’ll certainly give it a try šŸ™‚

      Like

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