Another week gone, another drop off to the ex….another couple of days feeling anxious and wondering how they’ll be when they’re back. I hate this time off the week, and they’re meant to be the days I get me time, to do non dad related stuff (although housework is still pretty much dad stuff). I try to get to the gym to occupy my mind, and I try to see friends if I can. Luckily my best mate is down today so we’re going to watch the football and catch up and he isn’t local, no doubt she’ll come into it at some point but it’s another person to talk about stuff with.
I do ask myself regularly if I’d feel as anxious about things if she was on her own, and the truth is no I probably wouldn’t feel as bad. Don’t get me wrong it’d still worry me because I do think she says things to try and manipulate the kids, A more so as she understands and takes in more than H. For those who don’t know, she’s on her third boyfriend (as far as I know) since we split. Each time she has allowed them around the kids really quickly, this new one especially quick. I think it was a few weeks and they’d started mentioning him. Within three months she’d moved him into her house. All three of them eventually moved in. With the latest ones she had only split with the previous boyfriend a couple of weeks before and to me that doesn’t scream stability or commitment. There’s lots more to this but it’s not right for me put it out for all to see. I’m not out for sympathy or for people to slate her (though that’s what usually happens) but if anybody wants some further context to this just ask and I’ll explain.
So I guess now I ask myself, at what point is it ok for a new partner to be introduced to children. I personally don’t think it should be until there’s a decent level of stability and signs the relationship is going well. How do you really measure that though? I’ve had one relationship since she and I split and I was with her for seven months I think. She met the kids twice and was always “daddy’s friend” plus we weren’t all over each other or anything like that when in front of the kids. They never saw her in the mornings coming out of my room. A has seen all of my ex’s boyfriends either in bed with her (not saying they were doing anything) or coming out of her room. I don’t think this sets a positive example to a young girl, even if she doesn’t quite understand the situation and these are “mummy’s friends”. Today they’re all off to London for the day, last week they went to a party which was for someone in his family. It feels like she’s just trying to play happy families with the new boyfriend and my kids…..and I hate that thought. It’s different if we’re talking a year down the line or something, but this just feels weird. Maybe I’m being overly sensitive about it, I honestly don’t know!
This is something I’d definitely like to get others thoughts on, especially those that have been through it!