It’s been a strange few weeks. I’ve gone from pure elation with a clear path in my mind when looking forward, to just nothing but uncertainty and confusion. Questions finally answered in my head are now open again with no answer in sight. I felt on the cusp of having it all, and next thing I knew I was back to square one. It’s something I’m struggling to understand which is hard for me..
I guess none of this is helped by the kids being with their mum, it gives my mind far too much time to think and confuse me further. They’re back today though so hopefully they can distract me. They’ve been up to all sorts so it’ll be nice hearing what they’ve been doing. I’m so grateful that they’ll be a constant in my life, I’d be quite lost without them!
So that was part of my rollercoaster ride, the second part I have even less control or input over. The kids mum is pregnant and dut to drop in August. The fact she’s ha kg another child doesn’t bother me, but it’s been a very rushed decision in my opinion. A little background on this is the person she’s with she moved into her home after 3 weeks of knowing him, they were together a year in April and she’s due a baby next month so do the maths, it’s all very quick.
Now I get the impression my girl is a little worried she’s going to lose some of her mums attention, which is inevitable I think, and this worries me as she’s quite sensitive. I also remember very well the problems following the birth of our two, how she didn’t cope and how a lot needed to change in our lives to make things work for as long as they did. I’m hoping all will be fine, and she’ll have all the support she needs….but part of me feels as though I’m just waiting for it all to explode and tough times will follow.
Im fully prepared to have the kids more than the 4 days a week I already do, I’ve done it before so that’s fine, but I worry about how the kids would react if that happened. It could well be I’m just overthinking and worrying about nothing, time will tell.
Hopefully some baking with them later will take my mind off of all of this! Cake solves all problems right?